Yesterday I celebrated my 21st birthday! My mum and sisters went above and beyond to make sure I had the dreamiest of days and I can't thank them enough for all their efforts. I was showered in presents, lots and lots of love and plenty of champers!! I fell to sleep last night feeling extremely lucky (and a tad tipsy).
Contrary to what my Instagram would suggest though, yesterday wasn't 'perfect'. There were a few incidents throughout the day that were really challenging for me and certainly tested my ability to keep it together. Just like any physical illness, no mental illness comes with a day off either. It's like telling cancer to fuck off on the day of your chemo treatment because there's much more fun things you'd rather be doing. It just doesn't work like that. I naively thought that because it was my 21st, I would have the happiest day EVER and nothing was going to stand in my way. I spent a good hour yesterday afternoon, crying hysterically into the arms of my mum whilst she tried to calm me down. How was it fair that every other person my age could enjoy their special day of celebrations, yet I had to spend it riddled with anxiety and with a perpetual voice that kept telling me I didn't deserve it.
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week. Weeks like these are so important because they empower people, like me, to talk. I'm not going to lie to you all and act brave - I've contemplated not publishing this post a fair few times because I'm worried about what people will think. If I hold my hands up and admit to the world that my mind got poorly, I fear that people will now see and treat me differently. I will no longer be just Beth, but Beth who now comes with a warning label. Beth who is now un-datable. Beth, 'the crazy'. Beth who is emotionally unstable. Beth, who we all should feel really uncomfortable and on edge around.
I am Beth - proper goofy, really awkward, a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a sour skittles fan, a lover of all things Disney, a gin enthusiast etc etc. I am SO much more than someone who just struggles with their mental health and just as deserving of a lovely birthday than someone who doesn't struggle at all. I absolutely refuse to be defined by an illness and that is the reason why I am sharing this post. It's about time we end the stigma and destroy those misconceptions! The more we talk, the more likely that is to happen. I have mental health problems, but those problems don't have me!
I just want to reiterate that despite a few shitty moments, i did have a nice day yesterday with my family! On Saturday night I’m going out with my best friends to carry on the celebrations which I'm really looking forward to! Unlike last year, I won’t be trying to squeeze into that little black dress and feeling self-conscious all night. This year, find me on the dance floor (where I’ll be all night long), throwing some crazy shapes and not caring what people think. Not forgetting of course, a cheeky pit stop to the takeaway on my way home for some life changing cheesy chips!!;)
Lots of love as always,
Beth x
P.s. I'm sorry if this post seems more of a rant/splatter of my thoughts. When I started this blog, it was really important to me that I made it a space of honesty. No one's life is consistently perfect - some days we just have to do the best with what we have and find strength in tomorrow.
Contrary to what my Instagram would suggest though, yesterday wasn't 'perfect'. There were a few incidents throughout the day that were really challenging for me and certainly tested my ability to keep it together. Just like any physical illness, no mental illness comes with a day off either. It's like telling cancer to fuck off on the day of your chemo treatment because there's much more fun things you'd rather be doing. It just doesn't work like that. I naively thought that because it was my 21st, I would have the happiest day EVER and nothing was going to stand in my way. I spent a good hour yesterday afternoon, crying hysterically into the arms of my mum whilst she tried to calm me down. How was it fair that every other person my age could enjoy their special day of celebrations, yet I had to spend it riddled with anxiety and with a perpetual voice that kept telling me I didn't deserve it.
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week. Weeks like these are so important because they empower people, like me, to talk. I'm not going to lie to you all and act brave - I've contemplated not publishing this post a fair few times because I'm worried about what people will think. If I hold my hands up and admit to the world that my mind got poorly, I fear that people will now see and treat me differently. I will no longer be just Beth, but Beth who now comes with a warning label. Beth who is now un-datable. Beth, 'the crazy'. Beth who is emotionally unstable. Beth, who we all should feel really uncomfortable and on edge around.
I am Beth - proper goofy, really awkward, a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a sour skittles fan, a lover of all things Disney, a gin enthusiast etc etc. I am SO much more than someone who just struggles with their mental health and just as deserving of a lovely birthday than someone who doesn't struggle at all. I absolutely refuse to be defined by an illness and that is the reason why I am sharing this post. It's about time we end the stigma and destroy those misconceptions! The more we talk, the more likely that is to happen. I have mental health problems, but those problems don't have me!
I just want to reiterate that despite a few shitty moments, i did have a nice day yesterday with my family! On Saturday night I’m going out with my best friends to carry on the celebrations which I'm really looking forward to! Unlike last year, I won’t be trying to squeeze into that little black dress and feeling self-conscious all night. This year, find me on the dance floor (where I’ll be all night long), throwing some crazy shapes and not caring what people think. Not forgetting of course, a cheeky pit stop to the takeaway on my way home for some life changing cheesy chips!!;)
Lots of love as always,
Beth x
P.s. I'm sorry if this post seems more of a rant/splatter of my thoughts. When I started this blog, it was really important to me that I made it a space of honesty. No one's life is consistently perfect - some days we just have to do the best with what we have and find strength in tomorrow.
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