Friendship is the glue that keeps me together. Up until my babe of a bestie came to visit last week, I’ve been feeling all kinds of upside down, topsy turvy feelings. We spent the day sat by a river on a picnic rug, stuffing our faces with all things chocolate (a lie down was needed after)! It was the dreamiest lunch date I have ever been on and the medicine I needed to lift my spirits! I think we're all in need of someone, now and again, just to reassure us that we're doing a good job. Cat, if you're reading this - thanks buddy, you're one in a million!
Monday again and the start of a whole new week. Adios last week, you piece of shit (it really was that bad). I feel as if i've hit a midlife crisis already - one where I desperately need to go out and do something wild! Ya know, get a tattoo of a hippo on my arm or something! No doubting myself or second guessing that I’ve made the wrong decision. Being the kind of person who enjoys writing lists in her spare time and makes detailed itineraries for trips away (I’m a hoot to go on holiday with if you hadn't already guessed), I find being spontaneous really difficult. During this past year, my anxiety has peaked and being organised with my time is one way I know I can actively reduce these levels from rocketing. I have a daily planner which I worship like the holy bible. It gives me structure, allows me to follow a routine and above all else, keeps me in the drivers seat of my life (the way I like it!!). I find comfort from being in control. Does this all make me sound super boring and a little crazy? In fact, don’t answer that.
A massive part of me is shouting out for excitement and spontaneity; the other part of me doesn’t want to invite all kinds of scary uncertainty into my life. That other, minute part of me, telling me to play it safe and be miserable for the rest of time, is the anxiety. It isn’t me. It isn’t the happy go lucky person that I am deep down. Enough of ‘what if I make a mistake?’ ‘what if it all goes to pot?’. Enough of it holding me back.
Life is fleeting! As overwhelming and scary as the fear of the unknown might be, sometimes we just need to take a big deep breath, close our eyes and take an almighty leap of faith. I know this is true but I also know that acting on it is a whole different ball game - a scary one at that! BUT I also know that nothing is as scary as the thought of staying set in a place of misery just because I feel comfortable.
Inhale confidence, exhale doubt!
YOU’VE GOT THIS! WE’VE GOT THIS.
Join me this week in doing something spontaneous! It doesn’t have to be as wild as that hippo tattoo!! A small step is still a step.
Lots of love as always,
Beth x
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